‘let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it’ Matthew 16:24-25

Writing is the place where I work things through in my mind where I grapple with life, attempt to understand the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ and try and understand this corrupt heart of mine.

It’s approaching a year since I last wrote anything for this blog for a variety of reasons; over commitments in other areas and for the last 7 months recovering from some weird moments of clumsiness.

These moments of clumsiness resulted in much physical pain and heart pain of trying to understand who I am in light of where I lay.  It’s not until these moments of brokenness break into our everyday that we realise how much we’ve actually been living in light of our own achievements or pursuits rather than living in light of Jesus’ purposes.

We can be fooled into thinking that our life in the here and now is all about making everything around us comfortable.  To earn enough money to live well, to live in a home that functions well, to have children who behave well, to have a body that works well; we feel like our world is falling apart when we can’t achieve these expectations, worse still we (I include myself here) judge others badly when their lives reflect the brokenness of the world we live in.

Our hearts desire the life of completeness however according to Jesus the reality we live in is the brokenness of sin. Jesus tells his disciples that the cost of following Him is to take up their cross.  In our everyday moments this might mean wearing a cross at work as a means to witness to others or being bold enough to talk to our work mates or family members about the Lord Jesus dying on the cross for them.

However, as we continue to read Jesus is talking about being willing to lose our life.  For us in the comfort of the Western World this seems really harsh, our hearts that hunger for comfort is shocked by the reality of Jesus’ words.

Jesus is talking about the battle for our eternal lives, the willingness to follow Jesus as he leads us to the promised land, the completeness we are really craving for.

You see if we are following Jesus we are actually on the road in the wilderness, the place of heat, of thirst, of dust, of danger, of obstacles, of stumbles and falls.  Not very attractive but it certainly explains the difficulties of the life we often face. The yellow brick road of the world might look bright a breezy and exciting to accumulate all things wonderful however it leads into an eternal pit of darkness.  Whereas the walk in the wilderness that Jesus is taking us through leads to the promised land filled with milk and honey (not literally but the glorious riches of God’s glory and righteousness).

These two roads face in opposite directions with opposing results. We see this theme of choice throughout the bible either to follow Christ or to serve self.  That’s why Jesus says we have to take up our cross to deny what comes naturally; selfishness, accumulation, abuse of power, judgementalism, materialism, self-righteousness.  Read Galatians 5 for a more sobering list.

As we recognise our need of Christ as we realise the journey of sin leads only to death and destruction, we turn around to trust Jesus, this is the moment of repentance as we pick up our cross and agree with Jesus that we are willing to do what it takes to die to self (in bible speak this is called sanctification and we will think this through in another blog).  The miracle of what happens in this moment is Jesus places the gift of the Holy Spirit within us.

We may be on the dusty road of the wilderness, but we are not alone, we have the Spirit of God exposing the sin within to the light of Christ so that we know which areas of our heart need transforming from darkness into light.  

The call of the wilderness will be hard, it will be the difficult road to choose but the miracle of Jesus’ grace towards us is that he will personally pick us up when we fall, he will bring people along the way to teach us His truths, he will give us water to drink, he will give us our daily bread, he will help us with the heat of the sin of others, he will equip us to fight the daily battle for our hearts to die to self, he will remind us of the wonders that are to come as well as the wonders of having our hearts transformed from selfishness into His righteousness and so much more than I can mention here.

The amazing thing is deep down Dorothy knew all along that the yellow brick road never led home.

‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing’ 2 Tim 4:6-8 (niv)

Last week I mapped out the plan for this week’s blog and how we associate these words of RIP with death and how, through the Lord Jesus being the Prince of Peace, we can rest in peace in the here and now.

However, as I write these words my Mum-In-Law passed from death into eternal life and is now face to face with Our Lord and Saviour.

I am humbled as I reflect on her battle with cancer over the last three years and how together as a family we have walked this walk towards death.

Throughout this terrible journey my Mum-in-law has been stoic throughout, often bearing pain with such elegance and grace. From photos of her younger days, we can see that she has always had an angelic quality, with beautifully defined features which is reflected in the elegance in which she moves and does everyday tasks.  This elegance was part of her character which she never lost right up to the end. 

However, what motivated all she did, her hearts deepest desire was for her family to know the Lord Jesus for themselves. The thought of never seeing her family in glory caused her much distress and fear.  It was the worst possible outcome she could ever contemplate, even the news that she had terminal cancer wasn’t greater than the fear that her family would never know the glory that only comes from eternal life through Jesus Christ.

At times this fear came out in frustration and demand. At times this fear dominated her thoughts so much that she couldn’t see the joy of the future because the darkness of her family being lost forever often overwhelmed her. 

But this is the burden of an evangelist.  The God given ability to speak truth into the hearts of others but her own family always seemingly far off.  We have heard many testimonies from people who have come to faith in the Lord Jesus because of my Mum-in-law, those who will be eternally grateful to call her their Sister in Christ.  I am sure in the coming weeks we will hear of so many more.

In the last three months as the cancer has progressed and her physical weakness had begun to overtake her physical form, her faith has become less complex, her trust in the Lord Jesus for her salvation has spoken volumes to the family and anyone else who has come in contact with her including all the staff at the hospice.

As we mourn our loss, we are warmed by the opportunities the Lord has given our family to forgive well, love well and witness how God gives us the opportunity to die well.

Over the last three weeks of her life, living in the hospice, it gave her the opportunity to, as she put it ‘get her house in order’. She never meant her physical house; she meant her relationships.  She knew she would never return to her address because she knew that she was now destined for her eternal home. 

And now as she not only Rest’s in Peace but lives in complete peace, with no more tears, sin or death we too can;

Rest in Peace as we give thanks to God for her love for us

Rest in Peace as we continue her legacy to love family and friends well through the gospel message of the Lord Jesus

Rest in Peace in the knowledge that the Lord Jesus has provided a way for us too to know the hope that death doesn’t have to be the end if we put out faith and trust in His compassion to die on the cross for us and His power to rise again to demonstrate how he has now defeated not only sin but death itself.

May you know the joy of the Lord Jesus in your hearts and the compassion of the Lord Jesus for the lost.

Dear Mum-In-Law Rest in Peace, you have fought the good fight…..we now pick up your mantle and carry on.  Love and miss you.

‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’ Matthew 5:3

I was contemplating this verse for my quiet time this morning.  If you’ve heard teaching on this in the past you will know that being poor in spirit is the person who is humble in light of knowing they are a sinner.  Someone who views themselves correctly in light of what Jesus accomplished at the cross.

For most of us this seems an impossibility to be humble at all times!  I don’t know about you but most of the time when no-one notices the work I’ve done for them, particularly the family, I feel neglected and disappointed.  Or if I work really hard towards a particular goal and no-one gives feedback or encouragement I end up feeling hopeless and wondering whether it was worth doing in the first place. 

Is it really possible to live with a heart that is poor in spirit without seeking glory for your own efforts or able to think of others greater than yourself, or is God just setting us a standard that he knows we can never achieve?

As I contemplated these thoughts this morning several things came to mind; Jesus teaches us what we need to learn rather than what we can already do, the Beattitudes aren’t within our own natural ability to do, and these attitudes of the heart are not a status of attainment.

These Beatitudes are what Jesus was teaching his nearest and dearest, those who had walked the walk with Him and seen the amazing miracles that He had accomplished. Jesus was teaching his disciples a new way of thinking and a new way of being.  Why was this necessary, wasn’t it enough to follow Jesus and put into practice all the things they had seen Him do?

According to Jesus no…….they needed a change of heart, a new way of not only thinking or behaving but a new type of existence.

Our natural state is to be No 1, to be the best at what we do, to make sure no-one gets in the way of our ambition.  Jesus is showing us that our hearts desires is what will drive our behaviour.  What you want will feed what you do.

What does the person who is poor in spirit want? Nothing because they already have it.  They are content in the person God has created them to be, they are content in the places God puts them in, they’re blessed because they are in a place of rest even when the world around them is chaotic.

Being poor in spirit is actually a place of freedom that Jesus offers to us; the new life that is motivated by Jesus himself. A life of faith that is convinced that ‘If God is for you then no-one can be against you’ Romans 8:31.

Being poor in spirit is a place of learning, a place that some days we are willing to do and at other times where it seems impossible to even consider.

Being poor in spirit is the place where we recognise that we have no ability in and of ourselves to achieve therefore our sole dependency is on the Holy Spirit to teach us, through life experiences, how to live out the life of a humble servant.

Being poor in spirit is the life we crave because we’re confident it is the better way, because it’s God way.  It was and is God’s plan for humanity to love Him and one another better than we love ourselves.  One leads to blessings and the other to hurt, anger, sadness, destruction, darkness, curse.

As I begin to put these thoughts into practice I notice that living a life of blessings isn’t easy, it is counterintuitive, it is countercultural, it is so much easier to grab what I want when I want it. 

Doing life God’s way takes time, patience and perseverance…..I think it’s no coincidence that these are some of the gifts of the Holy Spirit!

Are you blessed and being a blessing? What is your ambition today? Me…….I’m resting in the knowledge that the Lord Jesus knows me better than I know myself and knows what I need and when I need it! I hope knowing Jesus is your blessing too.

‘Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ’ Phil 2:1

How was your week?  Did you find looking into your own mirror of sin too hard? Did you have any instances of relief by putting others first?

It’s so hard living in the contradiction of sin as a Christian.  We know that how we lived before we knew Christ always left us wanting but for some reason, even though we love the light of Christ, the darkness of sin always seems to pull us in.

But I think our starting point is what’s wrong.  Paul speaks about our sin and our need to turn away from a life centred on self because his foundation is set in Christ first and foremost.

‘If any encouragement’ he says, ‘if any comfort’, ‘if any tenderness and compassion’.  Does knowing Jesus’ love for you bring these gifts to your life and grow in your a desire to share these with others?

Paul is saying that if we are united in Christ then His love for us will give us all we need which will define how we live out life.

Can you see the link?  How we live depends entirely on our relationship with Jesus.  We can only die to self if we live in Christ.

Throughout scripture you will see this link that without God’s intervention we can do nothing to deal with the problem of sin.  Sin is too great for us, but our problem tends to be that our view of God is too small which makes sin appear to be greater than it is.

Don’t get me wrong God hates sin, he hates it’s effect on his beautiful creation, but sin doesn’t stop God loving us and providing for us because sin doesn’t define who God is.

I’ve had a 50-year relationship with food, which I know is ridiculous because food was never intended to be relational.  But it is my go-to for a variety of emotional responses and comforts.  But my greater problem is my belief that my body defines who I ‘am and how God sees me.

As society we’re so judgmental of ourselves and one another, we have a skewed view of the need of perfection.  What we project on the outside is what defines us.  God consistently demonstrates throughout the bible that the core of who we are and what we serve begins in our hearts and it is in Christ that we’re being perfected.

The heart of self says I am my own and I get to choose who I am.  The heart of God says I created you and I have a perfect plan for you.

Whether my body reflects the overeating I do or the restrictive diet or the other life choices available to us all, God judges our hearts through the lens of what Christ did at the cross.  My life is no longer my own but it is hidden in Christ.  It is through His life that I learn what being human can be and should be.

Our starting point today is to ask Jesus to show us who He is and to rest in the wonder of all he is, all he has planned and purposed; then be thankful and relish in the joy of being rescued from the darkness of sin and the joy of living in the light of Christ.

In Christ our life is not measured by our sin but measured by His righteousness. 

‘Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit’ Philippians 2:3

I don’t know if you’re old enough, but I remember a song by Carly Simon called ‘You’re so vain’ all about a broken relationship stemming from a guy thinking the world revolved around him.  It has a really catchy melody and I often catch myself singing it now, even though the song came out in 1972.

Vanity is an interesting concept and one which we may not think much about, but one we’re all affected by.

I wonder what you think of when you hear the word vanity.  Maybe your mind goes to someone who looks in the mirror too much, who is over concerned with their appearance or maybe it’s quite an old-fashioned word that we don’t really consider anymore.

If I’m honest I know I’m vain.  I’ve been aware of it most of my life really.  Maybe that’s why the song really resonated with me not because of the romantic relationship it speaks of but of my obsession with self.

As far as I can remember I have wanted others to love me but not just to love me like they love others but to love me better than others.  I’ve always been obsessed with how I look, do I meet my standard of perfection, what if I don’t fit in, what if, what if, what if I, I, I.

The chorus of the song says, ‘you’re so vain I bet you think this song is about you, your so vain’.

Yes I do think this life song is about me.  What about you?  Are there times when you feel the world is revolving the wrong way, you feel left out, or you don’t belong, which results in you trying harder to get others to like you or maybe you isolate yourself from others for protection?  Or everyone else is in your orbit and all you need to do is get everyone on your page.

In the bible Paul the apostle was teaching the church that they were to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Strange thing to teach a church, if they had trusted in Jesus shouldn’t they automatically be thinking of others above themselves? After all the second commandment is to ‘love your neighbour as yourself’.

I used to think I hated myself, how I looked, how I didn’t quite measure up but over the years Jesus has shown me that my problem is I have loved myself too much, I have this overwhelming need to justify to others who I am so that they can love me too.

But this isn’t just my problem, it isn’t just your problem, it is the problem of sin; it is the problem of being a human being.  This is why the teaching of Paul to the Philippian Church is crucial to us today too.

What is your response to the verse ‘do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit’?  Do you find yourself making excuses or justifying why you do what you do ‘I have to love myself no-one else does’ ‘I’ve got low self-esteem, so I need to big myself up’ ‘I’m a nobody anyway’ ‘if only others did what I say’ ‘my way or the highway’.

Are you willing to take a really close look in the mirror? Health warning: please ask someone to pray with you as you do this, as coming face to face with uncovered sin is too hard to do on your own.  Read the whole of Philippians 2 and see the only way we can do this is understanding who Christ is and depending on him.

The rest of verse 3 says ‘Rather in humility value others above yourselves’.

Mmm sound too hard, sound too easy?  This verse is a great heart check, ask Jesus to show you the places where you’re expecting others to put you (or your opinions) above themselves and experience the relief that comes from putting others first.

Our way we only love ourselves, Jesus way is no-one is left out!

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see Hebrews 11:1 (niv)

What do you put your hope in?   I was faced with this question this morning as I walked to collect my Granddaughter to take her to school.

If anyone had asked me this question I would have given a resounding ‘The Lord Jesus’ for there is no greater hope.  But was this true, was I living as if my life depended on Christ?

Well, the honest answer was No I’m not.

My hope is found in all those things that constantly grab for my attention.

Cakes, sweets, chocolate, wine, tv, having a better body, exercise to counteract the cakes and sweets, wanting others to like me, fitting in, standing out, reaching my goal weight, living the perfect life, having an immaculate home, having kids who constantly show respect, having a husband who considers me above all else, being the best version of me, giving the right answer, knowing stuff, in fact being completely honest I’m obsessed with ME!

Isn’t this our human dilemma? isn’t this the Christian dilemma? We know we shouldn’t obsess about self but the more we try not to the more we do.

I’ve tried giving up the stuff that so easily entangles me into sin, into selfishness.  I turn my heart to helping others, to share Jesus with others, to eat well and look after the body God has blessed me with.  But it doesn’t last long, in the darkness of life I hide away and wish I could be a better person, I could make better choices.

But this morning something changed, the reality of this verse transformed my heart and brought clarity to my mind.

My hope, the things that constantly grabbed my attention were all things in the here and now, they were things that I can see.  But Father God, in his word, is showing all of us that our true hope, our blessed hope, our eternal hope is hope in Christ who is seated at the right hand of the Father in heaven. 

We can not see him but our confidence in him brings a hope that brings peace to our souls, brings a purpose in our step and brings a love for others to know Christ and set their hope in Him.

I pray for all of us that our faith and trust isn’t set on the things we can see or on the things we wish we had but in the eternal hope that only Christ brings.

No-one likes appearing as a fool do they?  As a child, I remember most of the pictures of fools were court jesters with their funny pointy hats and bells jingling whenever they bounced around.  I don’t know what comes to mind when you think of a person being ‘a fool’?

In our teenage years something seems to happen to the carefree child who loved showing off or just having a go at trying something new.  Or the more sensitive child with a bit of encouragement takes on bravery and courage.

It seems as we head into puberty; into taking on responsibilities; into the abyss that is adulthood, we become aware of our foolishness.  We begin to judge what is a fool because being a fool seems to be the worst crime you can commit.

With that being said we love the tv programmes that depict the stupidity of others.  You can even earn money from sharing your own stupidity and foolishness to the general public, if you are willing to bear the ridicule.

Deep down most of us like to depict ourselves as being wise, as being all together sorted without fault.  This enables us to consider ourselves better than ‘those fools’.  We grow in judgement of what is cool and what is uncool to do; or look; or be, there seems something not quite right with the fool!

However, the bible gives us a different perspective, the bible addresses the skew of our human view of life and others.

Why?

Because God alone is judge, God along defines who is wise and who is a fool.  If we’re honest we can’t even judge our own hearts because they deceive us, we become convinced that we are wise, it’s the rest of ‘them’ that are the problem.

The whole of Proverbs declares the wisdom of God, it declares to us that wisdom in of itself is found only in God.  It is God who is wise and mankind (everyone) who are foolish.

What is wisdom? To fear the LORD, in other words to trust that he knows what he is doing and believe he is who he says he is.  As we’ve thought through before, the LORD is God the Father, God the Son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit working together for the benefit of their created humanity and universe.

What is foolishness? To think that you can go it alone, that you alone have the solution for your own life, and you alone have the right to judge others.

Let us journey together through the pages of Proverbs and uncover the wisdom of He who created us, He who loves us beyond measure, He who wants to share his wisdom with us.

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Genesis 1:26 The God said ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground’. niv

Suffering is a strange experience isn’t it? It’s something we try to avoid at all costs but at some point or other we are faced with it’s reality.

Is it the pain we are trying to avoid or is it the expectation that this shouldn’t be happening?

But where does this idea come from? Why is there this expectation that this life should be all sweetness and light without the need to struggle or the need to overcome.

Could it be written somewhere deep within our very being that we know some how, somewhere we were made for more than this?

I sit here looking out on my garden with joy as I see the glorious line of daffodils across my garden wall interspersed with pansies.  I remember planting these last year with the hope of seeing a flush of colour along a boring wall and now I have the benefit of that moment of labour.

They are flowering at a time when I’m contemplating my standing with Christ, do I represent Him well, are my constant struggles with sin limiting who I am in Him, how do I know I am doing what He has planned for me to do?

In one sense I don’t, I wasn’t the one who laboured to grow me, I wasn’t the one who planted the seed of my beginning but on the other hand I am the one who blooms to display His glory to serve Him well. 

As I consider this, I am struck by the truth that it is actually Christ who labours to grow me into His likeness, which shines a light on the truth that my job is to seek Him for my nourishment, to seek Him for watering, to send shoots deep into his word so that I know His purposes for me and to seek His rest as I work to serve Him well.

As I watch these yellow beauties flowing in the wind looking content with their lot, confident in their purpose to shine brightly bringing nectar to the bees, I have much to learn of the joys of Christ’s purposes in me and through me.

How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing.” Matthew 23:37 (niv).

Here we are on Mothering Sunday giving thanks to Mum’s. Grandma’s, Aunts, Godmothers, all woman who play a significant role in the lives of others.

As with my birthday, today was very different.  Today I had no expectations of how my family were to demonstrate their thankfulness for all I have done for them throughout the past year.  I had no thoughts of what gift would accurately reflect their love for me or my sacrificial love for them.

In fact, I told my children not to buy me anything not even a card because somewhere in the depths of my heart I knew that these dear children are God’s blessing to me, they are his gifts to enable me to grow more and more into the likeness of Christ.

My prayers are, rather than have a gift one day a year, that we all learn from God how to be a gift to one another throughout the year.  To notice those little moments in time that we do something for others without thought for ourselves, to ask God to bring us moments that we can surprise one another with an action of love.  That we all learn what it is to be helpful to one another, to notice when one of us needs to be lifted up or to notice when one of us needs encouragement to focus on Jesus rather than the difficult circumstances of life.

That as family we cry together ‘As for me and my house we will serve the Lord’. That in all we do we draw others to the saving grace of the Lord Jesus’ willingness to go to the cross so that no-one needs to perish but all have the offer of eternal life with Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

My children have been three of the most influential people in my life, God has used them to convict me of my sin, encouraged me that change is possible, demonstrated the willingness to love the unlovable, shown me what godly self-control is, taught me how to love well and provided me with opportunities to learn to trust God as my perfect parent.

So today I want to give them thanks, as they are older for allowing me to continue to share this journey with them, to give them thanks that they bring the worst and best in me, to give them thanks for the opportunities they give me to learn how to be more like Jesus.

And above all things I want to give God thanks for blessing me with his treasured possessions and I want to be able to demonstrate to them what it is to be loved well and to be willing to love well as I learn from Jesus how to be the child God planned for me to be.